Skip to main content

Lover, Not a Fighter



I was feeling lazy this morning. I sat with my coffee and my temperamental iPad, scrolling through instagram and Facebook, catching up with my friends and family, and the groups I am active in.  One of the posts wedged itself in my thoughts and stuck there, so I went back to re-read it.  A woman said she told her hairstylist that she no longer wanted to dye her hair.  She wanted to grow out her natural silvery color, and her stylist said, "So you've given up the fight?"

It took me awhile to figure out why this struck me.  Now, I don't think everyone should go naturally gray anymore than I think everyone should dye their hair.  Women should do what makes them feel awesome about themselves.  Everyone should present themselves in whatever way feels most true to themselves.  I finally realized that what didn't feel right to me was the word "fight".

The word "fight" is used a lot when describing how women should age.  We are supposed to fight it.  I can think of so many ads and commercials that use this imagery, promising their product will "fight these seven signs of aging!"  We should "Fight back!" If we do, indeed, decide to fight against aging, aren't we really committing to fighting ourselves?  Why would I want to fight myself?  I don't want to fight anyone I love.  How can I love myself if I'm busy fighting my very body, fighting who I am at this moment in favor of a younger, long gone version of myself?  The very word is aggressive, and we are supposed to treat ourselves aggressively, as an enemy, our body a battlefield.

Every woman is different and if you want to fight aging, go for it.  I suspect it is a battle you can't hope to win.  And battles sound too exhausting for me.  I would rather be a bit more gentle on myself.   I am reminded of my 100 year old house.  It is not sleek and modern.  The rooms are small and separate- no open concept here. There some cracks in the plaster that come back no matter how many times I spackle over them.  Sure, I could knock down walls and open it up, but what would be the point?  The charm is in the period woodwork, in the cozy rooms, in the details that speak to what the house is and where it came from.  In much the same way, we can find charm and beauty in our own details.  I don't necessarily love every detail (tiny closets), but I love the house, and myself, as a whole.

We deserve better than endless battles with ourselves, friends, and the words we use matter.  I hope you look in the mirror and choose to be a lover, not a fighter.

Comments

  1. KatieOctober 23, 2018 at 11:22 AM

    Great post! I agree with you. Why should we fight this natural progression? Now that I've stopped fighting it, I actually think I look AND feel younger! It's like being reborn!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Mitten House

Summer is over.  My husband is back in his fifth grade classroom, my daughter is in grad school and my youngest- the baby!- is a senior in high school.  The return of the school year, along with the increasingly chilly nights, is a sure sign that fall is peeking around the corner.  I've mentioned in a previous post that my husband is eligible for an early retirement incentive in two years.  That is somewhat earlier than we were planning on his retirement, but the opportunity is too good to pass up.  We have committed to spending these two years paying off all our debt, except for the house, which will be paid off in a few short years. One of the reasons this somewhat unexpected retirement is even possible for us to consider is that we never moved out of our "starter home".  When we were looking to buy a house in 1994, we had a small baby, my husband was at the bottom of the pay scale, and our only requirement was that it be the cheapest house in town. ...
2 comments
Read more

25 Things I've Learned in 50 Years

Things I've Learned in 50 Years 1.  You never feel your age.  I still feel the same as I did at 15 or 30.  I don't feel 50.  I just feel like me. 2.  Nobody cares how messy your house is.  They just want to sit and drink coffee and talk.  Don't  not invite someone over because it isn't clean enough. 3.  That said, I enjoy coming home to a clutter-free home.  It feels welcoming and restful at the end of the day.  I've learned to spend a few minutes before bed or before work straightening up so I can come home to a peaceful environment. 4.   It's hard to find clothes I love at this age.  I don't want to look like my daughter and I don't want to look like my mother, although they are both lovely.  I think my style could creatively be described as "Michelle Obama Goes Hiking."  I rely on lots of cardigans, ballet flats and slim jeans, with some Patagonia and Chacos thrown in.  I would like to be more stylis...
1 comment
Read more

January Challenge

It's a snowy day here.  So snowy, in fact, that nobody in my house went to school or work today. I've spent the morning sipping coffee, and making progress on the sock I'm knitting, and thinking about the year ahead.  I am by nature a planner and a lover of lists, so a new year feels like an exciting time to me.  A time to start over, to be a better version of myself, to make new and better habits.  I know a lot of people hate the idea of New Year's Resolutions.  They feel like they are setting themselves up to fail year after year, but I think that's much too harsh.  If you didn't run the marathon you wanted, did you at least run more than the year before?  That's success!  My goal last year was to try a new recipe every week.  I absolutely did not achieve that.  I could feel like I failed, but in truth, I made almost 30 new recipes last year!  And my family liked most of them!  How is that failing?  I feel pretty damn...
Post a Comment
Read more