So, within the last week, three people have asked me when I was going to write a blog post again. They all said they had enjoyed reading it, which left me a little speechless and taken aback. I wasn't thinking that anyone beyond my family and few close friends had even read what I had written, much less wanted more, but I've been meaning to get back to it. So here I am.
I did a bad thing the other day. I saw a click bait article as I was scrolling through Facebook with my morning coffee. It was titled, "20 Celebrities Who Have Aged Badly." Or something like that. You've probably seen it and, being a better person than I am, kept scrolling by. I would like to say I didn't click, but you know I did. Maybe I was just curious. Maybe I thought a little schadenfreude would get my day off to a good start. Whatever. Anyway, I'm not sure what I was hoping to see, but there were mostly just pictures of old people looking, wait for it... old. Not horrible. Not wretched. Just their age. Did you know that Candice Bergen looks like she's in her 70s? Guess what? She is! These were not people who had aged badly. They were simply people who had aged.
As I am four months into being 50, and I see many of my classmates turning 50, I have been thinking some about what it means to get older. And the issue of "aging well" keeps cropping up. From what I read and what I hear, it seems you are aging well if you have no visible signs that you have aged at all. I can't speak for men, but it is my impression that they don't feel the same pressure to remain youthful looking indefinitely. (Gentlemen, if I am wrong, please correct me.) I suspect that the biggest compliment you can pay a woman over 50 is "you look so young!" Not, so happy. Or healthy. Or strong. Or hilarious, or well read, or generous or any number of things a woman could be. So young.
The more I thought about it, (and believe me, I thought a lot. Overthinking is my superpower.) the more defiant I felt. Here is what I came up with: I am not obliged to try to look like I did at 30 or
even 40. I am 50 and I am perfectly happy looking 50. I don't need to pursue the unlined skin, firm stomach and dark hair I had when I was younger. I've had three kids and it shows. There is freedom in accepting who I am right now.
My silver streaks don't make me look old. They make me look like Jill at 50. (Husband's verdict: sexy!) I've said it before, but if you are a lovely lady who colors her hair, do what makes you feel awesome! For me, the authenticity of my hair feels awesome. I eat healthy, whole foods, and I work out (a little), not in an effort to stay young looking, but so I can continue to do the things I love, like hiking and biking, as I get older. And so maybe my lower back won't keep threatening me. I wear make up some days, and some days I am fine with my own scrubbed bare face. I don't use anything that promises to be "anti-aging". The thing is, beauty is not reserved for the young. We can claim it for ourselves at any age. Any size. Any hair color we like. We don't have to erase evidence of our age. Instead of spending my limited time and money pursuing the illusion of youth, I'd rather spend it on good books, hiking trips, concerts with friends, and predictably expensive avocados.
A dear friend of mine recently turned 65, and she decided her new motto is, "Screw it!" For her, this expresses the freedom she feels in throwing off others' expectations of what she should do and how she should live her life. As a woman, I'm saying screw it to "aging well" and all that implies. I'm not letting myself go, whatever that means. Am I giving up on looking young? Probably. Am I giving up on looking good? No way. Old is not an insult and young is not a compliment. They are just descriptions. Various stages of our ever-changing lives. I am somewhere in between and I am perfectly happy to be here.
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