I read a quote this week that I've been turning over in my mind. In his book 'Essentialism'', Greg McKeown writes, "The word priority was singular for 500 years- what does priorities mean- many, many first things?" (Kind of an awkward sentence, but go with it.) Apparently, before 1940, there were no "priorities". Just "priority." It was a singular noun. One thing that was first or most important. Fascinating, right?
I wondered if it is possible to have multiple priorities, or if that is just wishful thinking. A way of not forcing myself to decide what is most crucial in any given situation, or with my life as a whole. If many things are a priority, then what really is? At different points in my life, my priorities have included earning money to buy cute shoes, flirting awkwardly with boys who weren't interested in me, (No, not school. I don't think that was ever really a priority for me), and later, raising healthy, confident children.
I'm in a new season now, and my children don't need to be the focus of my life anymore. It's right and natural that they be allowed to be the focus of their own lives, and it would probably be uncomfortable for them to be the main priority in my life like they used to be. It's a fine line between being an attentive mom and a Smother (The Goldbergs, anyone?) They need to know that I am fine if they spread their wings and fly away.
It feels right in this season of life to refocus on my relationship with my husband, and on my relationship with myself. I know lovely people who get to this point and decide to go their separate ways. People change and grow in different directions and not all relationships weather all the seasons. I am lucky enough to be married to a man who, while very different in temperament and interests than me, shares my priorities. Neither of us has ever had much interest in accumulating things or upgrading our lifestyle. We shared a vision of a simple life with as much time with our children as possible when they were young. Luckily, he chose a profession perfectly suited to that goal, and was completely supportive of my decision to not work when the kids were small. I don't think either of us could possibly wish we had spent more time with our kids than we did. They will not be singing "Cat's in the Cradle" to us when we are old.
We have begun to look ahead to a life without a house full of kids and to imagine what that life might look like. He has decided to take advantage of an Early Retirement Incentive in two years. To that
end, we have decided that our priority right now is to pay off our debt (except for the mortgage and that will be paid off in the foreseeable future) to prepare for his retirement. We have no car loans and don't plan to ever again. Weve decided together to reduce our spending to the bare bones this year and put as much money as we can into paying off what debt we have as quickly as possible. As my wise friend, Tracey, reminded me, "Keep your eyes on the prize." So, I'm not buying any clothes or shoes (Really!). No books. No yarn. No eating out. (Although I will confess to McDonalds dollar menu burgers one Friday evening when we were out of groceries.) Our reward when the debt is gone will be two kayaks we can use in the rivers and lakes that are so plentiful where we live. It feels good to have a goal and a project- a priority- that we share.
In thinking about this blog post, I wondered, "Would someone know by looking at how I live my life,
what my priorities are? If they saw how I spend my time and my money, would it reflect what I say is most important to me?" Put differently, are my words and actions in alignment? I can hope so, but I know how easy it is to be distracted by shiny things and by other people's priorities. How have your priorities changed over time? Do you feel like your priorities are manifest in how you live your life day to day?
I wondered if it is possible to have multiple priorities, or if that is just wishful thinking. A way of not forcing myself to decide what is most crucial in any given situation, or with my life as a whole. If many things are a priority, then what really is? At different points in my life, my priorities have included earning money to buy cute shoes, flirting awkwardly with boys who weren't interested in me, (No, not school. I don't think that was ever really a priority for me), and later, raising healthy, confident children.
I'm in a new season now, and my children don't need to be the focus of my life anymore. It's right and natural that they be allowed to be the focus of their own lives, and it would probably be uncomfortable for them to be the main priority in my life like they used to be. It's a fine line between being an attentive mom and a Smother (The Goldbergs, anyone?) They need to know that I am fine if they spread their wings and fly away.
It feels right in this season of life to refocus on my relationship with my husband, and on my relationship with myself. I know lovely people who get to this point and decide to go their separate ways. People change and grow in different directions and not all relationships weather all the seasons. I am lucky enough to be married to a man who, while very different in temperament and interests than me, shares my priorities. Neither of us has ever had much interest in accumulating things or upgrading our lifestyle. We shared a vision of a simple life with as much time with our children as possible when they were young. Luckily, he chose a profession perfectly suited to that goal, and was completely supportive of my decision to not work when the kids were small. I don't think either of us could possibly wish we had spent more time with our kids than we did. They will not be singing "Cat's in the Cradle" to us when we are old.
We have begun to look ahead to a life without a house full of kids and to imagine what that life might look like. He has decided to take advantage of an Early Retirement Incentive in two years. To that
end, we have decided that our priority right now is to pay off our debt (except for the mortgage and that will be paid off in the foreseeable future) to prepare for his retirement. We have no car loans and don't plan to ever again. Weve decided together to reduce our spending to the bare bones this year and put as much money as we can into paying off what debt we have as quickly as possible. As my wise friend, Tracey, reminded me, "Keep your eyes on the prize." So, I'm not buying any clothes or shoes (Really!). No books. No yarn. No eating out. (Although I will confess to McDonalds dollar menu burgers one Friday evening when we were out of groceries.) Our reward when the debt is gone will be two kayaks we can use in the rivers and lakes that are so plentiful where we live. It feels good to have a goal and a project- a priority- that we share.
In thinking about this blog post, I wondered, "Would someone know by looking at how I live my life,
what my priorities are? If they saw how I spend my time and my money, would it reflect what I say is most important to me?" Put differently, are my words and actions in alignment? I can hope so, but I know how easy it is to be distracted by shiny things and by other people's priorities. How have your priorities changed over time? Do you feel like your priorities are manifest in how you live your life day to day?
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